i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
