It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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