he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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