Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
