i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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