she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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