How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
