Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
