lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
