you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
