We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
