I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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