meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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