I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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