there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
