Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
