evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
