He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
