I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
