Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
