dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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