Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
