You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
