My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
3pm strippers are depressing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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