remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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