you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
