Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
