If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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