i jhust puked up my retainher.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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