I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
