we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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