I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
