So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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