Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
