it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
