Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
