We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
