In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
