Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
as a side note pls kill me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
