SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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