i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
