I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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