i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
