she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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