i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
