the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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