If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
