omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was confusing and full of hummus
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
