Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
