I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
