I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
