My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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