She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
