Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
