i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
