I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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