I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
