I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
