I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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