Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
