well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
