she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
