Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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