i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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