I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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