I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
