i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
