I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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