you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
