so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
