i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
