Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
