You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
