Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
