yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize