I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
