so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
